–Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilayhi Raji’oon–
–To God do we belong, and to Him do we return–
Today, somebody committed suicide.
Yes, killed himself by his own hand.
The first thought that went through my head was shock. He couldn’t have, why would he? He seemed so happy, and jolly. What about his wife? His father?
And then next came… sorrow. Complete and utter sorrow… and regret.
Why hadn’t we seen this coming? When was the last time myself, my siblings, my parents talked to him? Was he doing okay? Did we ask him?
And then I began to remember… all those times, seeing him sit on his porch.. alone, smoking a cig. Concentrating hard on something, his eyebrows furrowed. Everytime in the morning, taking out his garbage, with a look of emptiness in his eyes. All those times he’d sit there having a 20 minute conversation with my brothers or dad, while they were walking into our house, or leaving into the car… as if he was aching to talk to somebody.
In the last couple of months, he used to come to our house regularly.. to give us some food that he had cooked, to share his shortbread cake, to let us enjoy his cookies. He was such a sweet man, a big skeptic, but still very sweet.
It made me rethink everything in his life. What could have possibly gone so wrong that he felt… that he needed to end his life? He had a beautiful wife, just 2 years married. He had completed his masters just last summer… although he always talked about how he regretted his major. He would run, try to keep healthy.. he went overseas a couple of times to visit family. WHAT was it that made him… end his life? What is it that makes a person, a Believing person… feel that nothing in this world could be good… could be made good… and that his ending his life would make him happier?
He was a Believer. He was a Muslim. Yes, a Muslim. He knew very well what the fate of suicide was… he must have known. The person who commits suicide is thrown into Hellfire, with no chance of Paradise. He burns therein.. continuing to commit his act of suicide… over and over again. What in this dunya…. made him do it, knowing that such a consequence would inevitably occur?
And now he has tasted death. Verily, every soul shall taste death. Imagine.. his ruh (soul) being taken out of his body.. rushing to every corner of his limbs.. trying to escape Malik Al Mawt. And then his soul being PULLED through his eyes, like a branch of thorns being pulled out of wet wool, his arteries and veins shattering and ripping into pieces.
May Allah Subhana wa ta’ala help his wife and father, his cousins and family, his friends and neighbors.. in this difficult time.
You see, when you take it upon yourself to kill yourself.. you have not only done injustice to yourself. You have done injustice to your Lord, who gave you your body as a means of worshipping Him. It is NOT yours to scar or abuse… it is simply a vessel in which our Ruh resides. You WILL have to return it to Him… and you want to return it to Him in the best of forms. He did injustice to his wife, now a young widower. Who is going to marry a widow? Is any one going to follow the Sunnah this time.. and instead of getting a beautiful young virgin as a second wife.. rather take in this poor woman.. who has just lost everything she had? And his father, his family.. the sorrow they will have to go through.. his friends… SubhanAllah.
If it is allowed, I would like to make du’aa for him. That Allah Subhana Wa ta’ala is easy on him in his grave.. that he may possibly forgive this … unforgiveable sin. I don’t know how valid that du’aa even is… but he needs as much du’aa as he can get. Now that his books are closed.
Just remember.. in your life.. whenever you are engaging with other humans.. realize that you have NO idea what is going on in their lives. You have no right to scold them, or be rude, or mean… for you may be the tipping point in their life. May we always be of best character to everyone that we meet and engage with. May we grant everyone a smile.. a sincere one.. so that we may brighten their gloomy days. I ask Allah Subhana Wa ta’ala to strengthen us all.. in these days to come. To strengthen his family, to strengthen his wife.
Ameen
Making Duaa,
-Guildenstern
The Epitome of Kwaai 
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